5 things to carefully consider before getting married
Let’s talk about Marriage!
Marriage is the union between two different people from different backgrounds coming together to be equal and make up a family. Marriage is a natural institution, and a life long affair.
Growing up, my parents always told me something in Yoruba language. It goes thus: “Ile oko, ile eko” ( meaning Marriage is a school). I remember my mum telling me this everytime she told me to do something and I’d grunt 😄.
My parents always told me marriage is where you learn not to be egotistical, but to be altruistic. They are right!
If you are in a serious relationship and you are hoping or planning to get married, there are 5 things I want you to consider and ponder upon before getting married.
1. Be sure you are really ready for marriage
Marriage is not something you can just hop into. It is a long-term relationship and requires a lot of sacrifices. Don’t allow society or anyone pressure you to marry. I’ve heard some people say they want to get married because many of their peers are already married with children. Comparison is the thief of joy, as a result of this, don’t ever compare your lives with anyone else’s, run your own race. Be totally ready for it! Sit down and check your motives before you make a life long commitment to someone. If you’re having doubts or are motivated by external elements (people, pressure, society) other than yours, you probably aren’t ready.
2. Nobody is Perfect
We are all different with our strengths and flaws. Nobody is 100% perfect and we are all works in progress. Marriage is about loving unconditionally. There are days your spouse will drive you nuts and you might find yourself irritated by him/her. It’s a normal thing. Ensure that the person you’re making that commitment to has bad habits you can deal with. You have to be ready and willing to accept your spouse’s weaknesses and faults.
3. Allow God to be the foundation of your marriage
For a building to stand firm, a solid foundation has to be laid. I believe that If God is the foundation of your marriage, it can stand any storm and hurdle. You cannot build your marriage on God if you or/and your partner don’t have an intimate relationship with Him. Is the person you’re planning to get married to God-fearing? Does he/she love God? If a marriage is built under God’s values it will flourish, and it will be easy to be forgiving, enduring, forbearing, and loving.
“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ”.
1 Corinthians 3:11 NKJV
Jesus is the only sure and firm foundation on which you can build your life and your marriage.
” Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain, Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain”—Psalm 127:1 (NIV)
Therefore, we are completely dependent on God to build our marriages. If we do anything in our own power we will only fail. This is something I’ve learnt in my 6 years of marriage.
4. Opening up about each other’s past
This should be done during your courtship. Many marriages have been disrupted because of secrets from the past. As I said earlier no one is perfect. Everyone has a past, but it is necessary to talk about it. If it’s okay with your partner, then he/she will go ahead marrying you. This also helps transparency in your marriage. My Pastor always says marriage has to be the most transparent relationship in a person’s life. And this stimulates and improves intimacy in the marriage. You should be able to talk about everything with your spouse and make him/her your best friend. I might not be well-experienced since I’m just married for 6 years, but God has been faithful and it’s only through His grace I’ve come this far, and I still have eternity to go ( even though there’s no marriage in heaven😂😂).
5. Letting go of third parties in your marriage
I don’t advice bringing third parties into marriages. This can cause turmoil in relationships. Always know that you and your spouse are going to be into this thing called marriage together no one else, except God. God created marriage and it is not just two people in the relationship, but God is also present. When you have a misunderstanding with your spouse and you are angry, just ask the Holyspirit to calm you and comfort you. He is our helper.
This doesn’t mean that when your marriage is going through a rough patch you shouldn’t speak to anyone. You can discuss your issues with someone you can trust, but the person has to be spiritually-oriented. You should always remember that some people won’t be happy about your marriage and you can’t just trust anyone. People are capable of giving wrong advices.
Living in a bad marriage can drain you physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, and even financially. Don’t let anyone force you to getting married. Think and pray about it. And also pray about your future spouse, ask God to give you the bone of your bones and flesh of your flesh. Someone who will be able to understand you and love you for who you are. A person that is willing to love your strengths and weaknesses.
You can be much happier single than married to the wrong person, because marrying the wrong person can bring unhappiness, hopelessness, depression, and isolation.
Don’t be enticed by fame, beauty, money, and power.
If you have other points you want to share with me and my readers, kindly write them in the comment section.
Thanks for reading…..xoxo
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