Faith, Relationships

5 things to carefully consider before getting married

Let’s talk about Marriage!

Marriage is the union between two different people from different backgrounds coming together to be equal and make up a family. Marriage is a natural institution, and a life long affair.

Growing up, my parents always told me something in Yoruba language. It goes thus: “Ile oko, ile eko” ( meaning Marriage is a school). I remember my mum telling me this everytime she told me to do something and I’d grunt 😄.

My parents always told me marriage is where you learn not to be egotistical, but to be altruistic. They are right!

If you are in a serious relationship and you are hoping or planning to get married, there are 5 things I want you to consider and ponder upon before getting married.

1. Be sure you are really ready for marriage

Marriage is not something you can just hop into. It is a long-term relationship and requires a lot of sacrifices. Don’t allow society or anyone pressure you to marry. I’ve heard some people say they want to get married because many of their peers are already married with children. Comparison is the thief of joy, as a result of this, don’t ever compare your lives with anyone else’s, run your own race. Be totally ready for it! Sit down and check your motives before you make a life long commitment to someone. If you’re having doubts or are motivated by external elements (people, pressure, society) other than yours, you probably aren’t ready.

2. Nobody is Perfect

We are all different with our strengths and flaws. Nobody is 100% perfect and we are all works in progress. Marriage is about loving unconditionally. There are days your spouse will drive you nuts and you might find yourself irritated by him/her. It’s a normal thing. Ensure that the person you’re making that commitment to has bad habits you can deal with. You have to be ready and willing to accept your spouse’s weaknesses and faults.

3. Allow God to be the foundation of your marriage

Let the word of God guide you

Let the word of God guide you

For a building to stand firm, a solid foundation has to be laid. I believe that If God is the foundation of your marriage, it can stand any storm and hurdle. You cannot build your marriage on God if you or/and your partner don’t have an intimate relationship with Him. Is the person you’re planning to get married to God-fearing? Does he/she love God? If a marriage is built under God’s values it will flourish, and it will be easy to be forgiving, enduring, forbearing, and loving.

“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ”.

1 Corinthians 3:11 NKJV

Jesus is the only sure and firm foundation on which you can build your life and your marriage.

” Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain, Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain”—Psalm 127:1 (NIV)

Therefore, we are completely dependent on God to build our marriages. If we do anything in our own power we will only fail. This is something I’ve learnt in my 6 years of marriage.

4. Opening up about each other’s past

Tell your past

This should be done during your courtship. Many marriages have been disrupted because of secrets from the past. As I said earlier no one is perfect. Everyone has a past, but it is necessary to talk about it. If it’s okay with your partner, then he/she will go ahead marrying you. This also helps transparency in your marriage. My Pastor always says marriage has to be the most transparent relationship in a person’s life. And this stimulates and improves intimacy in the marriage. You should be able to talk about everything with your spouse and make him/her your best friend. I might not be well-experienced since I’m just married for 6 years, but God has been faithful and it’s only through His grace I’ve come this far, and I still have eternity to go ( even though there’s no marriage in heaven😂😂).

5. Letting go of third parties in your marriage

I don’t advice bringing third parties into marriages. This can cause turmoil in relationships. Always know that you and your spouse are going to be into this thing called marriage together no one else, except God. God created marriage and it is not just two people in the relationship, but God is also present. When you have a misunderstanding with your spouse and you are angry, just ask the Holyspirit to calm you and comfort you. He is our helper.

This doesn’t mean that when your marriage is going through a rough patch you shouldn’t speak to anyone. You can discuss your issues with someone you can trust, but the person has to be spiritually-oriented. You should always remember that some people won’t be happy about your marriage and you can’t just trust anyone. People are capable of giving wrong advices.

 

Living in a bad marriage can drain you physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, and even financially. Don’t let anyone force you to getting married. Think and pray about it. And also pray about your future spouse, ask God to give you the bone of your bones and flesh of your flesh. Someone who will be able to understand you and love you for who you are. A person that is willing to love your strengths and weaknesses.

You can be much happier single than married to the wrong person, because marrying the wrong person can bring unhappiness, hopelessness, depression, and isolation.

Don’t be enticed by fame, beauty, money, and power.

If you have other points you want to share with me and my readers, kindly write them in the comment section.

Thanks for reading…..xoxo

 

Meanwhile, guys I’ve been featured among 40 top lifestyle bloggers to follow. These bloggers are known for their impeccable taste for many beautiful things.

They share topics that include fashion, beauty, food, fitness, travel guides, motherhood, relationships, and so many interesting  topics. Click here to read.

pexel photo by Valeria Boltneva

pexel photo by Valeria Boltneva

 

Image credits:

pexel & unsplash

20 Comments

  1. LaShawn Uchenna Ani

    July 12, 2019 at 1:49 pm

    Thank you so much. This is very important information for anyone about to entire a Union. God is the foundation of everything, especially in marriage. Uchenna and I definitely, have the 3rd party issue due to cultural differences, however we don’t allow it. Congratulations 🎊 🎉 on the top 40 bloggers..I aspire to be grow like yours, I’m still finding my way. Peace and Blessings to you

    1. bukolaorry

      July 12, 2019 at 2:02 pm

      Thank you so much for reading. God institute marriage so He has to be the foundation. Marrying someone from a different country and culture can be challenging, but when you understand each other, you can overcome every hurdle. I’m still learning to be a better blogger. Thank you so much and God bless you 😘💕

  2. Dawn

    July 12, 2019 at 4:14 pm

    Thanks so much Bukola! ❤️ This post is packed with so much helpful information. I’m divorced and not sure what the future holds as far as remarriage. However your point about not comparing myself to others and rushing into marriage as a result encouraged me greatly. Society does put pressure on singles to marry. You’re so right God must be the foundation of a Christian marriage. Congratulations on 6 years of marriage my sister!! 🎉🎉🎉

    1. bukolaorry

      July 12, 2019 at 4:17 pm

      Thank you so much Dawn. I’m so happy this was really helpful. May God guide you and lead you right. God bless you

      1. Dawn

        July 12, 2019 at 4:22 pm

        Thanks! God bless you too! 🌸

  3. Success

    July 12, 2019 at 4:49 pm

    Marriage is a course we can’t finish. We continue to learn and learn. Nice topic.
    This link will help lot of ladies/women:
    http://bit.ly/2xIeSdE

  4. Tolulope

    July 12, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Nice post! Am not married but sometimes feel the pressure of family members! No one should marry because of that! Another point is letting God’s word guide us 🙏🏾
    Very motivational thank you bukola orry! God bless you

    1. bukolaorry

      July 12, 2019 at 7:30 pm

      Amen! Thank you so much for reading! Don’t allow anyone pressure you when you are not ready. Ask for God’s guidance. God bless you too

  5. linda kesh

    July 12, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Another great hit, that was an excellent article . Thank you for uploading

    1. bukolaorry

      July 12, 2019 at 9:37 pm

      Thank you so much. God bless

  6. ayansolaibukun

    July 13, 2019 at 12:25 am

    Well thought out and written. Folks are often carried away by the minor issues of relationships/marriage and don’t get to pay attention to what makes it stay strong through thick and thin. You made valid and instructive points to ponder on. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 13, 2019 at 8:44 am

      You are absolutely right. Thank you so much for reading. Have a blissful weekend.

  7. Bridget Alabi

    July 13, 2019 at 12:41 pm

    This is a well structured write up, thanks for sharing. As a single mother, i have learned not to compare myself to other people and not to allow what people say or think define me. God is that solid foundation of EVERYTHING.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 13, 2019 at 1:05 pm

      Thank you so for reading and God is the master planner of our lives. He knows what is best for us and will give us our needs at the appropriate time. Thanks again

    2. herrychiccounsels

      July 18, 2019 at 5:46 pm

      This is so Apt!.

      It was totally worth the read.

      Accepting that we ain’t perfect and we need God to help us learn to accept each other daily would definitely help us to grow more in Love rather than out of it when we try to do it on our own or in our own way!.

      1. bukolaorry

        July 18, 2019 at 8:04 pm

        you’re absolutely right. Thank you so much for reading.

  8. Wise Hearted

    July 19, 2019 at 4:33 am

    Great points on getting married. I don’t think I have ever read your point on letting go of the third party. I have been married 54 years, the first 15 were not so good but at 35 I got saved, my husband was a prodigal son and returned to God so with God’s help we have made it all these years. without His Word to guide us I am not sure we would have. We both had so much baggage, both from dysfunctional homes without any Godly guidance. One thing I have learned that even when it is good our marriage cannot take the place of Him, He must be our first love and then we can love our husband as Christ loves him. Again, great post.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 19, 2019 at 8:22 am

      Wow 54 years I love your testimony. Glory be to God. And you are definitely right, God must be our first love. Thank you so much for reading and God bless you.

  9. JBrown

    July 23, 2019 at 5:48 pm

    This was a great read! Although no marriage is perfect, what helped us along the journey of marriage was applying practical bible principles as mentioned . At Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33 it shows how husbands and wives are to lovingly interact with each other. I hope this touches all your hearts as it did ours!

    1. bukolaorry

      July 23, 2019 at 6:03 pm

      You’re absolutely right. The bible guides us through how couples are to interact with each other. Thank you so much for reading and God bless you

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.