parenting

LET LOVE LIVE

I woke up with a jolt one Sunday morning. It was from a sharp pain in my lower back. I knew I was having contractions, but I was ready. Calm even. The pains were sporadic and inconsistent. I’d been expecting the labor pains and I’d done everything I could to get prepared. I really was ready. Or so I thought.

pregnant woman

pexel.com Thiago Borges

The pains shooting up my spine increased in intensity and I swung my legs out of bed and dashed to the bathroom to take a hot shower. I was all set to meet my baby.

When I told my husband I’d be having our baby that Sunday, he didn’t believe me – when we had our first child, labor took a whole day. He was so calm and ready to go to church. Some of that calmness rubbed off on me and I tried to get ready too.

Thirty minutes later, the pain hit the roof, I couldn’t bear it anymore. I was screaming already, I told my husband to rush me to the hospital. The car ride was excruciating.

When we got to the hospital, the contractions completely stopped! 🙄😬

“This baby must be joking” I said to myself.

The midwives had me stay behind to have my baby monitored. After twenty minutes I started having contractions again and this time the pain had doubled. I went to the bathroom and voila! my water (amniotic fluid) broke. I was still very calm and I couldn’t wait to see my beautiful baby.

The Obstetrician did a cervical exam to check my progress and I was already at eight centimeters; two more centimeters to go and I would be ready to push my baby. I was ready.

Then, the doctor conducted an ultrasound to view the baby, but the look on his face was telling. Something was wrong. And all my training and planning didn’t prepare me for it. I realized I wasn’t so ready after all.

I anxiously asked him if everything was okay. He answered; “Il tuo bambino è podalico e ti dobbiamo fare un cesareo d’emergenza”. Meaning “Your baby is in breech position (when a baby is in a bottom-first or feet-first position) and we have to perform an emergency C-Section”.

All the color drained from my face. I became so pale that I couldn’t speak. I tried and tried so hard to say something, move my mouth even. No words would form. All I could do was cry. Emmanuel (my husband, bless his heart) was shocked too.

I had had a scan a few days earlier, and everything was fine. We were good. How’d things change so fast? Emmanuel prayed for me while the midwives prepared me for the Caesarean Surgery.

In the operating room, the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block which is a type of anesthesia that allows the patient to stay awake during surgery without feeling any pain. The doctor usually administers the anesthesia with the use of a spinal needle.

Staying firm, while going through contractions, WITH the shock of the new development and consciousness of what was about to happen was all so hard.

I felt a tugging sensation while the obstetrician cut through my skin. While making an incision in the uterus, my baby turned again into the “Traverse Lie” position.🤦🏾 I was more scared when I saw more midwives and the OB coming in. No one was telling me anything and I felt so lonely. All I could do was sing “God Will Make A Way” by Don Moen softly to myself.

After an hour of operation, I met my beautiful baby, Shiloh. At 6 lbs 4 oz and with lovely brown eyes, she was so pretty and healthy.

It wasn’t an easy birth because I fell sick the following day, and had to stay in the hospital for two additional weeks due to the emergency surgery. I celebrated my birthday and christened my baby in the hospital. I went through an emotional rollercoaster. There were days where I just didn’t know how to feel or what to do. But I thank God for my family and friends who were there for me to encourage and pray for me.

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Life is a beautiful thing, and no I’m not saying it in the context of a Soap commercial or as the title of a book. No, I’m being gravely serious. The importance of breath in bodies, good health and the sustenance and protection of the beautiful thing that is life, cannot be taken for granted. For added clarity, the billions of dollars that responsible countries invest in health and safety should give you a clue.

Now that we’ve established that life should be sustained, protected and cherished, it’s quite sad that many women are being discriminated for how they birth their babies. Especially when it is by Caesarean birth.

When I gave birth to my daughter through the CS, I felt sad and guilty for not being able to deliver my child through a vaginal birth. What made things worse were certain comments of people who heard I had a C-Section and were so irritating and not helping emotionally.

Many women have been shamed and tagged “Lazy” by fellow parents, family & friends, medical practitioners and even on social media for having Caesarean deliveries despite the fact that C-Sections can save a mother and her newborn when medically required due to conditions that make vaginal delivery risky.

So even when a C-Section is medically necessary to save a mother or child, women still can’t escape judgment and ignorance.

                                                        unsplash.com by Patricia Prudente

We like to do things “naturally.” You know, the way “things are supposed to be”. We become very ‘spiritual’, saying “God will not allow such a thing to happen” when the topic of Caesarean deliveries arise. Some Pastors even go as far as saying “You aren’t Born Again if you have a Caesarean Section”.

This annoying statement, first, has no scriptural basis as it is a misconstrued interpretation of the “Hebrew Women” miracle in the Bible. It also thus forgets that it is the same God that gives doctors the knowledge and guidance to successfully perform C-Sections. Having a Caesarean Section has nothing to do with your eternal status and the inner workings of your heart.

Birthing isn’t easy. No matter the method. The mental and emotional preparedness is hard as it is. Not to talk of the physical pain and after-wear and tear.

Pain is a real thing and willfully suffering at the expense of two lives, the mother and child, because of the stereotype, doesn’t just make sense anymore. C-Sections are on the rise globally due to its safety, ease and favorable rate of successes.

Shaming women for having C-Sections should peak somewhere at the top as one of the “Top 10 Signs of Insecurity”. Because someone had something easier with less pain doesn’t automatically translate to weakness. You most likely do not know the entire story. Can we all stop calling a type of birth natural and the other unnatural? Can we differentiate these types of birth by using the name “Spontaneous Vaginal Birth and Caesarean Delivery”?

Every mother is a superhero and a super mother regardless of the way she delivers her child, and there’s nothing more natural than bringing a child into this world. The most important thing is to always put you and your child’s health first.

Let’s all learn to understand that life is important. And stop at nothing to ensure it lives.

Let Life Live.

Thanks again for reading xoxo

42 Comments

  1. Michelle

    July 19, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    I’m sorry you had such a scare and a rough time afterwards, but what you gained from that experience is amazing. 💕

    1. bukolaorry

      July 19, 2019 at 3:08 pm

      Thank you so much. You’re so right. My baby is almost 3 years old now, and I’m so happy God blessed me with her.

    2. herrychiccounsels

      July 21, 2019 at 11:58 pm

      I salut your bravery sis. Mothers are a blessing!. And I can’t agree less. No to stereotype mindset!. Whatever way the baby comes – it doesn’t change the fact that him or her is a blessing from God meant to be treasured. ❤

      1. bukolaorry

        July 22, 2019 at 10:54 am

        Thank you so much sis <3

  2. Dawn

    July 19, 2019 at 3:25 pm

    Your little girl is beautiful! I’m thankful she arrived safely. People will always try and make you feel bad about something, but what matters most is what God says. He knew your child and every child before they were formed in the womb. Type of delivery doesn’t matter as long as the baby is here. 💕

    1. bukolaorry

      July 19, 2019 at 3:45 pm

      This is true! Thank you so much and God bless you💕

  3. LaShawn Uchenna Ani

    July 19, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    This is a beautiful story about the birth of your daughter. I believe all women who give birth regardless of the method are all equally strong, Being pregnant and giving birth is a very emotional, beautiful, and painful experience to endure. No one should be shamed for having a C-section. I am speechless. Now matter, how a woman deliver, we bring life in the world. Which is a blessing and a honor from the Lord above.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 19, 2019 at 6:55 pm

      Well said Shawn. Thank you so much for reading and your contribution was so insightful. God bless you

  4. labake's beauty blog

    July 19, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    To God be the glory… i went through a difficult labor 5months ago. I had asthma attack while contraction was going on and had to be taken into the theatre for an emergency CS. Before the injection kicked in, my belly was cut opened that I felt the pain but today I give God the glory that there is a birth option CS. God bless all mothers

    1. bukolaorry

      July 19, 2019 at 10:55 pm

      I can only imagine what you might have gone through. And as you said thank God there is a CS option which has been saving mothers and babies’ lives. Giving birth is not easy. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story.

      1. labake's beauty blog

        July 19, 2019 at 10:59 pm

        Yes oh… you welcome mama 😊😊🤗

  5. TheAyeshaSite

    July 20, 2019 at 12:15 am

    Congrats on becoming a new mother. I know that must be exciting for you.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 20, 2019 at 7:07 am

      Thank you but my baby is almost 3 years old now. I just wanted to share the story❤

      1. TheAyeshaSite

        July 20, 2019 at 12:31 pm

        Oh three is still a baby. Congrats on motherhood.

      2. bukolaorry

        July 20, 2019 at 12:33 pm

        Thank you so much sis❤❤

  6. Queen Karen

    July 20, 2019 at 5:39 am

    This baby must be joking lol. That part was funny oo. Shiloh, is so beautiful. We bless God for your bundle of joy. Through the pain, you have brought forth a precious little one that will shine and live in light of God’s Glory. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you 🙏🏿

    1. bukolaorry

      July 20, 2019 at 7:06 am

      😂 Amen thank you so much for reading ❤

      1. Queen Karen

        July 21, 2019 at 2:57 am

        As for me, I enjoyed 😊. No problem Bukola 🤗

      2. Oluwafaith

        July 27, 2019 at 9:52 pm

        What a strong story that no one would love to experience but God does his things in marvelous ways….. he prepares us to overcome the devils obstacles and you won,
        Am proud of you! You’re indeed a strong woman thanks for sharing your story.

      3. bukolaorry

        July 27, 2019 at 10:20 pm

        Thank you so much for reading

  7. Shugunna Alexander

    July 20, 2019 at 6:53 am

    I too had to have an emergency c-section with my 2nd due to complications at the time. With my 3rd child they gave me an option but the doctor was really concerned so I had another yet scheduled c-section this time. I personally would rather do natural as each operation was hard afterwards but if having do the operation was my only choice to get them here healthy then sign me up every time. My main concern always was my babies, not my comfort level. 🙏good discussion

    1. bukolaorry

      July 20, 2019 at 7:05 am

      Yeah, the most important thing is saving the child and not caring about what others would say. Thanks for sharing

  8. Mariam

    July 21, 2019 at 10:15 pm

    Educative.. sorry for what you had to go through after the delivery and congrats.. May God bless and keep the child

    1. bukolaorry

      July 21, 2019 at 10:19 pm

      Amen thank you so much for reading

  9. Florence Ezekafor

    July 23, 2019 at 5:43 am

    Thanks for sharing your experience. No matter how terrible it might seem, the good thing is that in the end, a beautiful thing happened, a cute child was brought into the world, alive with the mother.
    During the birthing of my first child, I didn’t make progress and they told me it was going to be cs, I was terrified and refused to accept it. And my sister was also afraid and said I should wait a little. I called for prayers for miracle to happen and waited for a day at the hospital with more than twelve doctors talking me into it and I remained adamant. I was sure I was going to die during the cs. I think they gave me me a labour ‘invigorator’ and I began to see my ancestors😀😀 and hell. That was when I gave out a scream for them to start the cs operation. I was rushed to the theater and given a general anaesthesia. I didn’t know what happened next, I only woke up to my child all wrapped up by my side. It was terrible but beautiful. Women are strong.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 23, 2019 at 7:41 am

      Lol @ i began to see my ancestors. I think all Nigerians are scared of a CS. Thank God you finally agreed and you and your baby made it.
      You are very right, women are so strong. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story. ❤

      1. Florence Ezekafor

        July 23, 2019 at 9:02 am

        You’re welcome Bukola❤

  10. Bukky Owoseni

    July 23, 2019 at 11:43 am

    Thanks for sharing your inspiring story!

    1. bukolaorry

      July 23, 2019 at 11:51 am

      Thank you so much for reading❤❤

  11. Chantel Keona

    July 23, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing <3

    1. bukolaorry

      July 23, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      Thank you for reading 💗

  12. indianeskitchen

    July 24, 2019 at 8:19 am

    That must have been so scary! You have a beautiful daughter!

    1. bukolaorry

      July 24, 2019 at 8:25 am

      Yes it was. Thank yo so much for reading

  13. Temi

    July 25, 2019 at 5:12 am

    Preach sister! The goal is to have a healthy baby. I also had an unplanned csection because my baby’s heart rate was dropping with contractions. I had to lay down my pride and desire so my baby could live.

    1. bukolaorry

      July 25, 2019 at 7:22 am

      Yeah that’s it. We just have to swallow our pride and do what’s best for our babies. Thanks for reading and sharing your story too❤

  14. thedewdiary

    July 26, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Thank you for sharing your story in a beautifully descriptive manner. I felt I was with you through it all…

    I have been privileged to spend my adult Years in Nigeria, especially my pregnancy and mother hood. However I found myself buying in to the mentality of “natural birth” is more preferable than “CS”

    Even the term used here “natural birth” digs deep to our subconscious that Anything apart from vaginal birth is not natural

    On other hand my reasons for wanting a vaginal birth is cuz I had almost no faith in having a CS by Nigerian doctors, I mean I didn’t want to risk human or power failure error or whatnot.

    Is it ok sharing your post with my pastor who is into pregnant women ministry?

    1. bukolaorry

      July 26, 2019 at 9:20 am

      Thank you so much for reading, and honestly speaking I prefer a vaginal birth because the recovery period is fast, but when a spontaneous vaginal birth threatens the life of the mother and child, then a C-section is required. Because of the type of surgery I had I was warned to to have a c-section in my subsequent pregnancy. If I was in Nigeria too, I would be scared of delivering via CS, but thank God there are good hospitals now.
      Thanks again for reading and you are totally free to share this post.❤❤

      1. thedewdiary

        July 26, 2019 at 5:41 pm

        Yes there are good hospitals indeed thank God but a lot of things are done manually…it wasn’t reassuring at all. But the doctors here have a unique anointing as well and do the best with limited resources. Moving here has really strengthened my faith

        U have experienced both so you know which one is easier. Honestly God doesn’t let us go through more than we can bear. That is our consolation and His strength is made perfect in our weakness

        Thank God that our Heavenly Father is the Great Physician so we can rest assured in His hands whatever medical emergency we face

      2. bukolaorry

        July 26, 2019 at 5:43 pm

        Oh yes He is the great Physician.

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