Hello beautiful people and welcome back to my blog.
Today is a special day! It’s the 5th year anniversary of my Church wedding. I’m very excited!!!
As a typical Nigerian, I had THREE wedding ceremonies. A Courthouse wedding in 2013,
Traditional wedding and Church wedding in 2014 😂😂😂. I did all this because I wanted to satisfy my parents😅.
Marriage has been such an exciting journey. It still feels surreal to be married to a wonderful man and to also be blessed with two beautiful children.
Looking back, I’m reminded of how, just two months before my wedding, my husband had a serious injury on his knee. In fact, he had to support himself with a stick at our wedding. But I thank God for His loving-kindness and faithfulness.
On the blog today, I will be sharing 5 things marriage has taught me. Ready? Let’s get started 🧐!
1. HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
Communication is very important in marriage. It is not just about talking about your daily activities with your spouse, but being able to express your emotions and understand the needs and emotions of your spouse too. If you bury your emotions alive, they’ll only come back stronger later in your life. And they’ll be explosive. You might not like the results. It’s so much better to push yourself to say what’s your mind, and quickly too!
Relationships last when couples open up and talk about things they like and dislike. Most times it’s good to argue. It might seem crazy but it is normal to have healthy arguments with your spouse.
According to Joseph Genny, co-author of The New York Times, the biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance. He says many couples mistakenly believe that avoiding discussing sensitive issues means avoiding an argument. On the contrary, healthy and productive arguments help improve the quality of your communication.
However, a healthy argument is NEVER about belittling or insulting your partner. You have to be careful with your words. Your spouse is human too and will most likely piss you off sooner than later. It’s okay to be angry. But always remember to communicate in love and with respect. Bad communication is likely to shatter a marriage.
Listening is also an important part of communication. You can’t always do the talking.
unsplash.com photo by Kaimantha
1 Corinthians 13 verse 4 says ” Love is Patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud.”
Having patience in marriage is very important. I won’t say I am a 100% patient person, but I’m learning to be better every day. The Bible says Love is patient. That means having, or more truthfully, learning the ability to wait and remain calm when angry, provoked or under pressure.
Patience (long-suffering), as a matter of fact, is also one of the fruits of the Spirit. It is to tolerate for a long time and additionally, the ability to know how to wait for things to come. I’m not talking about tolerating an abusive marriage. Some behaviour like domestic violence should never be tolerated.
Patience in marriage enables you to think before you speak or react. I will be talking about this later on.
All couples have disagreements, but it’s how you handle them that really matters.
PATIENCE IS A LIFETIME JOB.
3. THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING
Proverbs 16 verse 23 (Good News Version) says ” Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”
Anger can make people impulsive by saying hurtful things without thinking. This is one of the things I pray to God about.
Marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows. There are times your partner would drive you crazy.
One of my favourite quotes by Ambrose Bierce is “Speak when you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Anger makes you say things that can be destructive.
One of the things I do when I’m angry is to leave and find a quiet place to control my anger. It can be another room in the house. But this is just for me to calm my nerves and relax my muscles. It helps me reason before I say anything I might regret. Always remember that words are like eggs, once broken, they cannot be put back together.
Couples may not always agree on everything, but should always respect each other’s opinions and feelings.
Respect is an important quality in a healthy marriage. The way you speak to your partner is very crucial. Husband and wife have to speak kindly to each other.
picture by istock photos
4. THE ABILITY TO RECOGNISE AND ACCEPT MY PARTNER’S LIMITATIONS.
We all have our limits. No one is perfect. Only God is perfect.
One of the things I’ve learnt in my marriage so far is to accept my husband’s flaws. To love means to accept the flaws of your partner. Many times, people look for perfections in a relationship. They fall in love with the beautiful things they see. But over time that aura of perfection begins to disappear. They begin to discover the flaws and weaknesses of their partners. This makes them fall out of love and break up a relationship that could have been saved.
One of the very few things that used to drive me nuts was when my husband always left his wardrobe opened. This was always making me angry 😅 . I told him many times and he would only change for two days max. Later on, I discovered that it was stronger than him. Now I close it myself when he leaves it open🤷🏾♀️. It’s very simple. It doesn’t take anything from me😁.
There are things I do too that he just overlooks. It’s all about tolerating each other.
I read in an article that love is belonging to each other, giving all of yourselves; knowing how to accept the weaknesses, illnesses, problems, and shortcomings of your partner. The writer said without this fundamental step, no couple in the world can stay together for a lifetime. This is so true.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We are different people.
Couples not accepting each other’s strengths and weaknesses mean there is no love but lust.
5. KEEPING CHRIST AT THE CENTER OF MY MARRIAGE
The closer I get to Christ, the stronger my marriage is. Things work better in marriages when God is included. I always tell people that when my husband does things that make me angry, I report Him to the Holy Spirit. It usually sounds funny, but this is something I’ve learnt from one of Joyce Meyer’s book. The Holy Spirit is my comforter. He’s the only one that can comfort me when I’m angry and distressed. There’s no need of me talking about my marital issues with anybody but God. I know He is the only One that can solve all my problems.
When God is at the Centre of our marriages, He truly teaches us how to love genuinely. 1 Thessalonian 4 verse 9 (AMPV) says ” Now concerning brotherly love, you have no need for anyone to write you, for you have been (personally) taught by God to love one another (that is, to have an unselfish concern for others and to do things for their benefit).
True happiness is found in unselfish love.
God wants us to walk with Him in our marriages, that is the only way we can build a strong Christian marriage. We must have God as our teacher and be guided by the Holy Spirit to always teach us.
In our homes, we have to be sensible to the voice of God and open our hearts to His teachings and instructions. We need to seek Him every time. And have an intimate relationship with Him. He would be there to help us even when we reach or human limits.
Marriage is where couples have God has their leader and always look unto Him to teach them how to love each other.
Thank you always for reading! Enjoy looking at some of my wedding pictures.