Relationships

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY: 5 things marriage has taught me so far

Hello beautiful people and welcome back to my blog.

Today is a special day! It’s the 5th year anniversary of my Church wedding. I’m very excited!!!

As a typical Nigerian, I had THREE wedding ceremonies. A Courthouse wedding in 2013,

Traditional wedding and Church wedding in 2014 😂😂😂. I did all this because I wanted to satisfy my parents😅.

Marriage has been such an exciting journey. It still feels surreal to be married to a wonderful man and to also be blessed with two beautiful children.

Looking back, I’m reminded of how, just two months before my wedding, my husband had a serious injury on his knee. In fact, he had to support himself with a stick at our wedding. But I thank God for His loving-kindness and faithfulness.

On the blog today, I will be sharing 5 things marriage has taught me. Ready? Let’s get started 🧐!

1. HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

Communication is very important in marriage. It is not just about talking about your daily activities with your spouse, but being able to express your emotions and understand the needs and emotions of your spouse too. If you bury your emotions alive, they’ll only come back stronger later in your life. And they’ll be explosive. You might not like the results. It’s so much better to push yourself to say what’s your mind, and quickly too!

Relationships last when couples open up and talk about things they like and dislike. Most times it’s good to argue. It might seem crazy but it is normal to have healthy arguments with your spouse.

According to Joseph Genny, co-author of The New York Times, the biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance. He says many couples mistakenly believe that avoiding discussing sensitive issues means avoiding an argument. On the contrary, healthy and productive arguments help improve the quality of your communication.

However, a healthy argument is NEVER about belittling or insulting your partner. You have to be careful with your words. Your spouse is human too and will most likely piss you off sooner than later. It’s okay to be angry. But always remember to communicate in love and with respect. Bad communication is likely to shatter a marriage.

Listening is also an important part of communication. You can’t always do the talking.

photo-1521075486433-bf4052bb37bc

unsplash.com photo by Kaimantha

2. PATIENCE

1 Corinthians 13 verse 4 says ” Love is Patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud.”

Having patience in marriage is very important. I won’t say I am a 100% patient person, but I’m learning to be better every day. The Bible says Love is patient. That means having, or more truthfully, learning the ability to wait and remain calm when angry, provoked or under pressure.

Patience (long-suffering), as a matter of fact, is also one of the fruits of the Spirit. It is to tolerate for a long time and additionally, the ability to know how to wait for things to come. I’m not talking about tolerating an abusive marriage. Some behaviour like domestic violence should never be tolerated.

Patience in marriage enables you to think before you speak or react. I will be talking about this later on.

All couples have disagreements, but it’s how you handle them that really matters.

PATIENCE IS A LIFETIME JOB.

3. THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING

Proverbs 16 verse 23 (Good News Version) says ” Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”

Anger can make people impulsive by saying hurtful things without thinking. This is one of the things I pray to God about.

Marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows. There are times your partner would drive you crazy.

One of my favourite quotes by Ambrose Bierce is “Speak when you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Anger makes you say things that can be destructive.

One of the things I do when I’m angry is to leave and find a quiet place to control my anger. It can be another room in the house. But this is just for me to calm my nerves and relax my muscles. It helps me reason before I say anything I might regret. Always remember that words are like eggs, once broken, they cannot be put back together.

Couples may not always agree on everything, but should always respect each other’s opinions and feelings.

Respect is an important quality in a healthy marriage. The way you speak to your partner is very crucial. Husband and wife have to speak kindly to each other.

picture by istock photos

4. THE ABILITY TO RECOGNISE AND ACCEPT MY PARTNER’S LIMITATIONS.

We all have our limits. No one is perfect. Only God is perfect.

One of the things I’ve learnt in my marriage so far is to accept my husband’s flaws. To love means to accept the flaws of your partner. Many times, people look for perfections in a relationship. They fall in love with the beautiful things they see. But over time that aura of perfection begins to disappear. They begin to discover the flaws and weaknesses of their partners. This makes them fall out of love and break up a relationship that could have been saved.

One of the very few things that used to drive me nuts was when my husband always left his wardrobe opened. This was always making me angry 😅 . I told him many times and he would only change for two days max. Later on, I discovered that it was stronger than him. Now I close it myself when he leaves it open🤷🏾‍♀️. It’s very simple. It doesn’t take anything from me😁.

There are things I do too that he just overlooks. It’s all about tolerating each other.

I read in an article that love is belonging to each other, giving all of yourselves; knowing how to accept the weaknesses, illnesses, problems, and shortcomings of your partner. The writer said without this fundamental step, no couple in the world can stay together for a lifetime. This is so true.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We are different people.

Couples not accepting each other’s strengths and weaknesses mean there is no love but lust.

5. KEEPING CHRIST AT THE CENTER OF MY MARRIAGE

The closer I get to Christ, the stronger my marriage is. Things work better in marriages when God is included. I always tell people that when my husband does things that make me angry, I report Him to the Holy Spirit. It usually sounds funny, but this is something I’ve learnt from one of Joyce Meyer’s book. The Holy Spirit is my comforter. He’s the only one that can comfort me when I’m angry and distressed. There’s no need of me talking about my marital issues with anybody but God. I know He is the only One that can solve all my problems.

When God is at the Centre of our marriages, He truly teaches us how to love genuinely. 1 Thessalonian 4 verse 9 (AMPV) says ” Now concerning brotherly love, you have no need for anyone to write you, for you have been (personally) taught by God to love one another (that is, to have an unselfish concern for others and to do things for their benefit).

True happiness is found in unselfish love.

Anonymous.

God wants us to walk with Him in our marriages, that is the only way we can build a strong Christian marriage. We must have God as our teacher and be guided by the Holy Spirit to always teach us.

In our homes, we have to be sensible to the voice of God and open our hearts to His teachings and instructions. We need to seek Him every time. And have an intimate relationship with Him. He would be there to help us even when we reach or human limits.

Marriage is where couples have God has their leader and always look unto Him to teach them how to love each other.

Thank you always for reading! Enjoy looking at some of my wedding pictures.

39 Comments

  1. Dawn

    September 20, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Happy Anniversary Bukola!!! 🎉🎈🎉 Your wedding pictures are beautiful. You were such a pretty bride! These are great points to maintain a healthy marriage relationship or even relationships in general. Thank you little sister. 🥰

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 2:29 pm

      Thank you so much big sister😘❤️❤️❤️

      1. Dawn

        September 20, 2019 at 2:30 pm

        You’re welcome! ❤️

  2. Child Of God

    September 20, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Happy and a very blessed Anniversary

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 3:20 pm

      Thank you very much💕🙏🏾

  3. Michelle

    September 20, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    Happy anniversary!! Love your photos! You are a beautiful bride! 💕

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 3:48 pm

      Thank you so much 😍❤️🙏🏾

  4. Temitope Michael-Olaniran

    September 20, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    Happy Anniversary!🥳🥳🥳 You had colorful wedding ceremonies♥️ Jesus at the center of it all makes it even more beautiful! God bless your home. I also had 3 wedding ceremonies (one in Denmark, two in Germany) with same reason as you. Naija family ehnn. They are awesome 🤭🤭
    Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures.

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 4:52 pm

      Thank you so much dear. Naija parents.. You gotta satisfy them😂😂 thanks for your sweet comment❤️.

  5. Emmanuel

    September 20, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    Nobody is saying handsome groom 🤵!!!! Ok let me join everyone, beautiful bride 👰

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 4:52 pm

      😂😂😂 Awww! Handsome groom you looked ravishing. Are you happy now? 🤣🤣

      1. labake's beauty blog

        September 20, 2019 at 4:58 pm

        😂😂😂😂 see Jealousy o.

  6. labake's beauty blog

    September 20, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    Awwwn happy anniversary 😊😊wishing you both many more loving and fun filled years together

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 5:06 pm

      Amen❤️ thank you so much dear❤️

  7. Yinka

    September 20, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    Some major salient key point to note down from your post is definitely communication, patience and the God factor.
    Happy Wedding Anniversary Bukola ! 5 years down,forever to go

    1. bukolaorry

      September 20, 2019 at 6:44 pm

      Thank you so much for reading Yinka. Thanks for your sweet comment too😘❤️.

  8. LaShawn Uchenna Ani

    September 20, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    Happy Anniversary to you and your husband. Thanks for the tips for a successful marriage, I will be using them soon. Your pictures are beautiful♥️🎉🎈

    1. bukolaorry

      September 21, 2019 at 7:22 am

      Thank you very much Shawn 😘❤️

  9. ayansolaibukun

    September 21, 2019 at 12:05 am

    Happy Anniversary!!! It’s just the beginning of a prosperous and happy home. You celebrate more years of this with joy and fulfillment.

    You shared needful lessons about marriage with us. I dare say those points make the solid foundation on which a happy home is built. There was a lot to take away from the post. Thanks for sharing with us.

    Meanwhile, your pictures are so lovely. Yoruba weddings always looking on point 😎.

    1. bukolaorry

      September 21, 2019 at 7:24 am

      Thank you very much, your comments are always beautiful. God bless you bro. And you’re absolutely right about yoruba weddings😊😊.

  10. Shugunna Alexander

    September 21, 2019 at 3:13 am

    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Bukola!! Wishing you and your husband a joyous and wonderful day! Happy Anniversary…

    1. bukolaorry

      September 21, 2019 at 7:25 am

      Thank you very much sis🥰. You’re so kind.

  11. herrychiccounsels

    September 21, 2019 at 7:38 am

    Yay!. Happy anniversary Sis. 💃 May the new year be more blissful and fulfilling. 🙏
    And the pictures are so crisp and lovely.😊

    Very valid points mentioned Big sis. God has to help one in building the home .As He is the bedrock of marriage. 💯 👏❤

    1. bukolaorry

      September 21, 2019 at 7:50 am

      Thank you very much sis❤️❤️. God bless you🥰. These comments are blessing my heart.

      1. herrychiccounsels

        September 21, 2019 at 8:01 am

        You are always welcome sis.
        Amen. Smiles. Glad it did. 😊❤

      2. bukolaorry

        September 21, 2019 at 8:04 am

        ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  12. Happy Great Day

    September 22, 2019 at 1:13 am

    Many great points made here. — This post will make me smile into next week! 😍😍😍😀

  13. Florence Ezekafor

    September 22, 2019 at 8:53 am

    Congratulations to you both. You had a beautiful wedding. Love the pictures. You both look so amazing and happy. Wishing you more bliss and understanding. Cheers.❤❤

    1. bukolaorry

      September 22, 2019 at 9:03 am

      Thank you so much ma’am 💋❤️

  14. Lola Famuyiwa

    September 23, 2019 at 5:05 am

    Happy wedding anniversary!!!

  15. Wer ruft an

    October 12, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    I agree with you. Marriage is a war 😀 Communication, respect and patience. But also love, friendship, spending time together… Yeeep, it’s a war to be with someone so much time and don’t kill that person 😉

    All the best for you, a lot of love. Love fights down everything.

  16. Chris Adedoyin

    October 22, 2019 at 8:24 pm

    Congrats! May your marriage continues to be blissful & prosperous.

    1. bukolaorry

      October 22, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      Amen🙏🏾 thank you so much

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