Faith, parenting

Never say these things to your children

Raising a child is a very important and challenging job. I know because I’m a mother of two very energetic children. Whew.

There is no perfect parent. But to be a better parent to your child, you need to invest your time, energy, money and prayer🙏🏾. Children need constant and precise guidelines. But they primarily need love. They also have to know you love them. You can tell the kinds of children that were brought up with love when they’re older.

One of the most important elements that help children become responsible and boost their self-esteem from a young age is how their parents speak to them. The words we say to our children serve to form how they will face every aspect of life.

For this reason, it is fundamental to know that the words we speak carry weight and power. Words are important – they can make or break. Words affect our emotions and moods.

As parents, we have the responsibility to train our children.

Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
PROVERBS 22:6 AMP

We are to discipline them and correct them when they make wrong choices; using words that are encouraging because wrong and harmful words can destroy them.

Furthermore, it is crucial to always make use of warm, friendly but a FIRM language that makes them free to express their feelings.

Words are important-most times they say more than we think.

In a nutshell, if we want to raise confident and happy children, we have to choose the right words. The way we speak to them influences their growth.

Let’s find out, together, 🧐some words you should never say to your children:

1. ‘You are stupid/foolish.’

Calling a child stupid or foolish is wrong. It can be very damaging to a child’s mental health. Words are weapons and can leave marks in children.

The bible particularly says that we can use our tongue to bring blessings and life or curses and death(Proverbs 18:21).

Even when they rebel, we are to pray for them and bless them.

Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak]. Ephesians 4:29 AMP

2. ‘Why are you not like your classmates or siblings?’

Comparison is the thief of joy.
Theodore Roosevelt.

When you ask your children why they are not like their siblings, it creates an unhealthy competition that can make the children feel they are not good enough.

Every child is special in their way. Just help them discover it. Even when they continue to make bad grades in school, you can talk to them and find out what the problem might be – as opposed to comparing them to their classmates or siblings that have higher grades.

When you compare your child to others, you may risk ruining their self-esteem and your child could generate an unhealthy feeling of envy and jealousy towards other children.

3. You are fat.

In our society today, one of the problems we have is BODY IMAGE.

If your child is overweight, you need to approach the topic with great sensitivity. When you tell your child they’re fat, the first thing that comes to their minds is “I AM UGLY“.

You might think you are helping the child realise they’re overweight. But negative comments on weight can create in your child’s mind, a very negative image of themselves.

Fat-shaming a child is a horrible thing. It can be extremely damaging to them and can lead to resentment, depression, anger, suicide, and a terrible eating disorder like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa or rumination disorder. Just to mention a few.

If you want your child to lose weight there are other ways you can do it without hurting his feelings.

Motivate your child to eat healthily. Start with yourself. Be a good role model. Cook nutritious and healthy food at home.

Also, encourage good eating habits.

4. ‘You don’t know anything’

This is a very terrible statement. Telling your child they don’t know anything can damage their spirits irreparably. They’ll begin to believe these words and this can negatively affect them emotionally, socially and intellectually.

Girl, Upset, Sad, Depressed, Hipster, Woman, Lady

5. ‘I’m busy, leave me alone.’

I was once guilty of telling my children to leave me alone when I was tired or sick. And I noticed my first daughter would usually cry whenever I told her to leave me.

This sentence gives a sense of rejection to your child. Anytime you brush them off because you are tired, busy or sick, they’ll start to feel you don’t want them or don’t have time for them. I know parenting is the world’s hardest job. And I get that it can be very exhausting but even when you are tired, there are other ways you can tell your child you are occupied – and that you will play with them immediately you are done.

In conclusion, children are like sponges. They can identify the emotions they live in and adapt to it. It is essential as parents and guardians to offer children a peaceful environment.

Living in aggressive atmospheres makes children hardened and filled will all sorts of unpalatable things. Some children tend to react to these emotions by becoming violent and quarrelsome, while others become bullies and insecure.

The words we say to our children matter. Let them know you care for – and love them. Bless them at all times and let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life.

And you will, all of you, be better for it!

Thanks for reading as always🙏🏾.

Ciao! Ciao!! 🖤🖤

Image credits: Pixabay

24 Comments

  1. Dawn

    November 22, 2019 at 2:23 pm

    Great pointers little sister! As I was reading, this brought back memories of when I was raising my daughter. I know being a single parent things can be especially tiring but even so it’s important to be there emotionally and physically for your kids. Also when my daughter was in 6th grade she told me she wanted to lose weight. We did a program called Trim Kids it was excellent! She lost weight the healthy way and was happier. Awesome post! 😃❤️

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:57 am

      That’s so beautiful💓💓. I’ve seen parents who leave their children hungry because they want them to lose weight. My mom is a single parent and I know the sacrifices she made for me and my siblings. She’s a strong woman. And I respect all single parents. They are super strong🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️. Thank you so much for reading💓💓.

      1. Dawn

        November 25, 2019 at 6:14 pm

        Thanks! 💕 Parents should not starve their kids. On Trim Kids the child still ate 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks. They also did exercises. There was also 2 restaurant meals allowed per week. The key was to make healthier food choices, and have portion control. My daughter lost about 20 pounds.

        Hats off to your mom!!! She deserves praise and I can tell through you that she did a great job! Have a blessed week little sister! 💕

      2. bukolaorry

        November 25, 2019 at 7:22 pm

        Wow that was really a good program for kids❤️❤️.

        Thank you so much big sister ❤️❤️❤️

  2. LaShawn Uchenna Ani

    November 22, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    Great post, words are very hurtful and people never forget especially children. There is no manual on being a mother or father and we all make mistakes, I said something once to my daughter that changed the direction of our relationship. Out of anger. We are in a better space, I think it’s important to let kids know we are not perfect, however it doesn’t give us as parents an excuse to say mean things. ❤️

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:53 am

      Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual. My mother also said some things to me that really hurt me. But our relationship has grown stronger💜. Thank you so much for reading and for your constant support ❤️❤️.

      1. LaShawn Uchenna Ani

        November 25, 2019 at 6:54 pm

        Thank you, I always find your post positive, meaningful, and informative. ❤️❤️

      2. bukolaorry

        November 25, 2019 at 7:21 pm

        This means a lot❤️❤️. Thank you so much😘❤️

  3. DeborahMarie

    November 23, 2019 at 2:53 am

    Great post! Our children deserve love, respect, and encouragement.

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:51 am

      Oh yes they do. Thank you so much for reading and for your beautiful comment.

  4. Shugunna Alexander

    November 23, 2019 at 3:41 am

    Very true! It’s really important to choose our words with our children, I’ve seen the manifestation of negative words verses positive and it’s a major difference. Great post

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:50 am

      Thank you so much🙏🏾💜.

  5. Temi Michael-O

    November 23, 2019 at 6:01 am

    Sadly, some parents ignorantly do and say these negative things. They don’t know that their words are powerful, and they impact their children’s lives.

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:49 am

      That’s true Temi. Some even don’t find it wrong. They assume they are correcting their children by saying negative things to them. Thanks for reading

  6. Michelle

    November 23, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    It’s so sad that these are things that we have to tell parents not to do to their kids. It’s just heartbreaking that there are so many parents out there that have kids without even giving a thought to their feelings. Our words are so powerful and can never be taken back. Sometimes even an apology cannot help.

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:48 am

      Yes Michelle, words are so powerful and can never be taken back. We have to be careful with the words we choose. Thank you so much for your insightful comment 🙏🏾🙏🏾.

  7. Queen Karen

    November 23, 2019 at 8:46 pm

    Awesome post and great reminder! I definitely believe in the power of our words. Word are very powerful. Growing up, there was a saying that people will say “Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Interestingly as a teen, it seemed like this saying was true but as I grew up I realized that words hurt. It is the reason why there are grown folks who are still broken due to the words that were spoken to their lives at a tender age. Children watch the things that their parents do. So I strongly agree that words spoken can have a positive or negative effect upon one’s life. Thank you for sharing Bukola 😊

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:47 am

      You’re absolutely right Karen👌🏾❤️. Thank you so much for reading and for your reflective contribution.

  8. herrychiccounsels

    November 23, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    Words!! If positive can motivate and encourage you and if otherwise can so send you thousand miles beneath your worth level!. Words – so powerful a weapon!.

    Can’t emphasize on this any less sis. I know how it can pierce deep and make you lose all sense of stability and worth.

    Parents ought to really watch what they say. Sadly, most don’t know the extent this damage goes for the child experiencing this.

    Just so grateful for God’s words above any rants I have heard in this life. 😥 Why I can’t be less grateful for God in my life. I heard things.. 😂 but then, God owns me and has the verdict!

    1. bukolaorry

      November 25, 2019 at 8:46 am

      You’re so right sis💕. When we have God in our lives, He makes us strong to overcome so many things.

  9. Florence Ezekafor

    November 25, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    Wonderful points my dear. Kids need to be understood. Sometimes we treat them as adults really.
    I noticed recently that my seven-year-old daughter likes to hug and kiss me for like 20 times a day and at the same time keeps saying, “I love you, mummy! You know I love you, don’t you?” This gets to my nerves and sometimes I did shout at her so hard to let me rest, “Can you please give me some peace? Can’t you see I’m busy, ” but you know she’s a die-hard intruder? She would say, “You love me right? Do you love me mummy?” 🤗😂🥰 I would laugh and leave whatever I’m doing to cuddle, kiss and say “I love you.” But I try to teach her that she doesn’t need to do that always. I told her she could reduce the hugging and kissing to once or twice a day to allow mum to rest after work. She agreed but well, it continues.

  10. Nifemi 🇳🇬-Thenifelauresblog(Nyphewrites)

    November 30, 2019 at 6:53 am

    Awesome post and also a great reminder. Words are so powerful! Parents ought to watch what they say to their children. Words makes and can also break.

    https://nyphewrites.wordpress.com/product-review-vspbotanics-my-yay-nay/

    1. bukolaorry

      November 30, 2019 at 7:40 am

      Thank you so much for your reflective comment.💖🙏🏾

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.